“The government needs to stay out of people’s lives! Unless it’s the private activities of people I find icky, then they should control the hell out of them!”

This just in:

All the people you never want to see in lingerie are boycotting Victoria’s secret. Frank Gimblegork, a proud conservative entrepeneur, has started a business called “Bigger Is Better“ which promises an anti-woke agenda. Bra sizes range between “Big Booba™” and “Massive Honkers™” as “anything smaller and they probably aren’t even real women anyway” says the founder.

Customers report “I love that the itching is a constant reminder of how much I love my country” and “I love that they use teenage models as well, what good family values they must have.”