There is this girl I have been talking to for a time. I like her, and we also share some common ground. Recently she told how she is struggling very much with anxiety.
She’s worried people dislike her, worried about people only pretending to be her friend, people slowly losing interest. She is without exaggeration suicidal about it. More over I overheard her saying she hates people who are only interest in sex.
And here is the damned kicker, I am only interest in having sex with her. Normally when people talk about how they dislike people only interested in sex, I take that as my cue to leave. It’s totally fine they feel this way, but it also means we’re not compatible. However seeing how this girl is damn near suicidal about people pretending to like her, I’m not sure what to do.
If she’s not into one night stands that’s fine but that does mean I’m walking (I’m also not interested in any friendship). But I don’t want her to kill herself over it either.
Here’s an enormous life lesson that took me decades to learn: you cannot take responsibility for anyone else’s happiness. If she is truly a danger to herself, this is usually mandatory reporting territory depending on your local laws. Act accordingly.
If you’re suddenly feeling your connection to humanity above and beyond getting laid, here is some basic info on what you can do: https://www.nami.org/relationships/how-to-talk-and-listen-to-someone-experiencing-suicidal-thoughts/
I get that it’s not my responsibility to make her happy. But isn’t there like a soft way of telling her I’m letting this ship sail on without me?
Unfortunately, been there and got the t-shirt. “Hey, it seems like you’ve got a lot to work on and I do too, I don’t think this is a good time to pursue this”
That doesn’t work when someone is clinging desperately to you to be their salvation. Their internalized hope and the feel of it slipping through their fingers while they think they can find the right words to say to turn the ship around creates this prolonged agony when it’s far better to just give them a clean break.
Obviously you don’t want to push her into suicide, but you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves or thinks everything will be better if they can just convince someone into a relationship. Contact her friends and family, give her suicide hotline information, recommend therapy, but you can’t be the knight in shining armor of someone your only interested in physically.
There’s someone I talk to off and on here on the other side of things. She is clinging desperately to the hope that she will eventually get back together with this guy (who AFAICT, lives 2 hours away and has met her once or maybe twice). They are broken up but still talking and she is desperate to find a way to glue everything back together. Two things are clear: he is not interested in a relationship (though he’s also too weak for a clean break as they keep talking), and she is not ready for a relationship. I’ve tried to explain all of that, but every time they talk he just makes her so happy and she loves him so much. It’s so much worse for her than if he would just wish her a happy life and block her.
I implore you not to be that guy. A clean break is much better than lingering ambiguity that keeps her from moving on.
I like her, and we also share some common ground. I am only interest in having sex with her. (I’m also not interested in any friendship).
Sort these sentences out for yourself.
You’ve made a throwaway account to make a thread about it and discuss.
So just as a counterpoint: Have you considered you do have interest in friendship and that’s intimidating?
Sort these sentences out for yourself.
You can like someone whilst still only wanting one thing to do with them. I guess it’s about how much you value friendship in general.
Have you considered you do have interest in friendship and that’s intimidating?
Well I don’t have interest in friendship because it would feel like a drag.
Be sincere and direct: I was wishing we can be something fun, but this is going in a direction where none of us could get anything good out of a relationship.
If she’s feeling these anxiety issues still the best advice is to get professional support. You’re not responsible for getting her into that position, and she likely will not get ahead and out of them with or without your support.
I don’t understand the mismatch, how can one be interested in a one night stand with someone who hates one night stands? Like, how did you get this far in without that coming up already?
I don’t think your approach to sex is wrong, at all, nothing wrong with needing casual sex, I just don’t understand how you ended up in this situation, if you don’t like her in even a friendship way how did it get this far?
I’m good at talking to people. I basically talk with whomever, whensoever I feel like it. So yes I actually have people in my life I don’t even like but they like me back.
Then be honest, I guess. Not in a “brutally honest” way, tho, but in a more nuanced manner.
What common ground did you have? What led to her telling you about all this?
I asked her about her day, she told me it wasn’t going so well. I asked why, she replied it had to do with stress. So I followed up with whether she struggled with that often. And then she spilled her beans.
Chances are, she probably does this with other people too. I don’t think there’s much to worry here.
I don’t think this is your problem but her’s. If you’re only interested in sex and she isn’t then there’s no future between you two. The best you can offer her is honesty.
At the end of the day, you’re either going to sacrifice yourself for her happiness or you won’t. And to be honest it’s much more likely you won’t and shouldn’t; if you try you’d both be miserable. Whether or not she does it is entirely outside your control - even if she actively blames you, it’s her choice to make.
The most important thing is to be kind; I think you have to tailor that to the person so I don’t know if I can help with the phrasing, but maybe along the lines of how you have to work on yourself.
Also remember to leave if it starts to go circular.
I’ve said what I felt I needed to say, and I’m not sure further discussion will be productive
sort of thing. I’m sorry you’re in this spot bud, it’s a tough one, but no matter what happens it’s not your fault.
Run. For everyone’s benefit.
If you cared for her and wanted to help it would be one thing, but that doesn’t seem to be a commitment you want to make.
If something does happen to her becausw of you, that’s on you for life, people will remember that shit.
Find another fuck-buddy, and move on, hopefully she does too.
But having dated a girl like this forever long ago, the longer you lie to her, about anything, the worse things get, and this looks pretty bad already.
But why people downvoted my comment tho. I got overwhelmed with that. I am sure no one will care to genuinely accept my apologies
I am disqualified in helping you
Just repost your advice without using chat gpt. Or use chatgpt but tell it to not reword it a and keep as much of it as possible the same, so it doesnt add its weird gptism. Reread it to make sure it didnt add things you didnt say.
No one likes me
No one knows you and you have made a bad first impression, that’s all.
Its the internet, it really doesnt matter and no one will hold a grudge over this.
Not sure
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Fuck you very much, ChatGPT.
I’m sorry if I’m not your kind off support at the moment. I’m sorry for being here. I should go for now 😞
Hey. I wrote this for real. These aren’t ChatGPT, the idea.
Please forgive me. I wrote them and my AI formaliser helped me to be more passionate
and my AI formaliser helped me to be more passionate
It actually very much did the opposite. Because now there is no actual passion behind it. None, whatsoever.
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This particular response shows more human emotion that your formaliser ever could (at least as of now).
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Yes, people can be terrible and cruel. Most of us here have been mocked unfairly at some point in our lives, and there’s almost never accountability.
It is best to just ignore those people. In your head you can say to them “Okay, loser” and move on - if they are mean, you don’t want to know them anyway.
AI writes technically good English, but it’s very bad at writing with style - it’s basically only got one style and it’s very easy to pick out. If you want to use AI, you should use it to improve your English writing. You can paste your message, ask it for tips on what you should change, and rewrite it yourself; don’t copy paste what the AI writes.
Hey, I also use AI sometimes to help me say things I struggle with. I have some suggestions.
First, don’t ask it to rewrite what you are saying.
Second, ask it to identify things that are poorly worded, insensitive, have bad grammar, or misspellings.
Third, take it’s feedback and edit it yourself in your own words.
ChatGPT will often recommend verbiage that is emotionally disconnected, being either overly effusive or emphasizing irrelevant things.
ChatGPT will always suggest edits even if you write something perfectly. I’ve fed it’s own output back in and it gave itself plenty of critique because it’s not wired to say, “looks fine.” At least not until you’ve done some back and forth editing and then, even if the text is garbage it will decide the edited result is much better than the beginning.
It’s a handy tool to give you another set of eyes to look at something and to help you learn to write better on your own, but it cannot replace your own voice.