I’m an on call mortician. I spend a lot of time walking around funeral homes at night in the dark. I heard shit moving around and weird crashing noises all the time. I fuckin ignore that shit. Oh, what? The demon wants attention again, so I have to take my earbuds out? Nah. Not tonight Satan. I’m really into this audio book.

actually what you should probably do is make sure your co/co2/other poisonous gas detectors are working.

Get yourself an Aztec death whistle and just blow as hard as you can all of the sudden. They’ll go away.