DMT clouds making them connect to the universe and lay down 4 minutes
Fentanyl dart gun
Anti-cop weapon.
Body odour
Or that guy from Mystery Men who farts.
This is why I have cannons loaded with grapeshot in every room of my house. Never know when I’ll need to remove a thief from existence.
Safety is all about preparation.
A gun that shoots tiny missiles that aim at the attackers butthole and once they hit they release a jet of freezing water up their butt.
Wait, why would you want to make your attackers horny?
Ummm, adding an optional pepper spray missile if the first one was not effective…
personal satellite with Hatsune Miku licensed voice assistant for targeting and fire control. A few lasers of different frequency, a railgun, maybe some emergency snack pods with little chutes.
Personal forcefield with a shape of my choosing, activate either by s simple device or algorithmically based on external factors. Great for safety but also handy as an umbrella.
Something that makes me disappear instantly and teleports me to the pub down the street. Cold beer is better than hot fight.
What if it’s a bar fight
Self defense is a fantasy of control. If you want to eliminate threats to yourself rationally, eat more vegetables, take care of your mental health, and drive carefully.
I was more or less trying not to refer to weapons of mass destruction. Not implying self defense is virtuous.
Yo-yos.
Anti-tankie mines
Balls that orbit around you (think magneto of x-men)
a finger on the monkeys paw curls
Im steering clear
If anything were possible, I have always liked AE van Vogt’s fictional weaponry:
In “The Weapon Shops of Isher”, the defensive weapons sold by the shops are advanced ray guns with integrated force fields, making them highly effective against government and criminal threats. These weapons ensure citizens can defend themselves against tyranny and oppression while upholding a policy of non-aggression, aiming to foster a more just government over time.
The weapons can somehow be used to defend but not be used in an act of aggression. And the force field protects the bearer.
A fun read if you are into golden age science fiction.
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Opposite of the movie Wedlock
Temporary blinding LED flash weapon, stink bombs, vomiting, reciting the Captain Ahab monologue from Moby Dick where he’s telling them to split their lungs with blood and thunder and crack their oars and backs.
Captain Ahab monologue
This one’s kind of cool. What about a voice modulator that makes it seems like your voice is their own internal monologue and you can disarm them by boring them to death or confusing them.
A wand. They want to take your wallet? HOW ABOUT SOME CRUCIO YOU MOTERFUCKER!
…that’s a handheld shooty thing
