I’m a momma and I was planning on driving my son down to the beach with some family/friends. I haven’t worn a bikini since my younger days since I’m super busy nowadays as a single mom working 2 jobs. As I was trying on some of my older bikinis, I couldn’t help but wonder how my younger self was confident enough to be this exposed. I’m not insecure about my body or anything, actually I’m pretty confident since I go to the gym often, so genuinely how do other women have the confidence to rock a bikini?
I just read your other post, which was deleted. The one with the photos. Here is my response to that one:
I have to say, i thought this was a bot account. I then read your history.
My advice would be to delete the photo, so you’re not leaving a personally identifiable trail online.
My short answer to your question, as I am low on time, is you are just fine. More than that, and must be feeling a bit low, to feel like asking.
My longer answer would revolve around self worth, not requiring other’s approval, etc
I think you’ve got this. I hope you have a great time, with whatever is coming up!
IMHO it’s really all about you being worried about how others react. Speaking as a 50 year old guy, I would walk around naked if it was normal in society. Put the bikini on and stand in front of a mirror. Make sure you’re confident that it looks normal (no tags still showing, nothing that is too revealing or pinching in the wrong spot or whatever… then put it on and go out in public and don’t think about it. It’ll be fine and nobody will think twice about it other than maybe saying “damn she’s keeping herself in shape!”
It’ll be fine. Don’t let others get in your head so much that it determines what you’re going to do or wear.
Ehm, not the same… but I think that how everybody is dressed affects how we perseive our nakedness. Once i went in a trip to Brazil, and felt a little ridicule by how long my swimming shorts were. I ended up buying a swimsuit there… that I can only wear if i ever go back to Brazil.
It does feel like going out in underwear, to a place where everyone is in underwear, and the people wearing full clothing look out of place. I don’t even have a perfect body but grew up near the beach, saw every possible body type in swimwear. So I am comfortable enough looking near naked in public, since everyone is. It’s nice.
The same way that pigs are food and dogs are not. Cognitive dissonance.
It’s not just Bikinis. It’s all swim wear, saunas in Europe, baths in Japan. It’s just socially acceptable and expected in the right context, and that expectation plays a huge role in comfort. The context seems to flip a switch in people’s brain.
It’s definitely a part of socialization. When I went to an all nude Chinese spa I was intensely uncomfortable and decided to wear shorts. I figured they were all gonna stare at me either way so I might as well not have to think about my dick.
I can’t speak from a women’s perspective, but wearing swimming trunks in public feels very different than wearing boxer shorts in public.
It’s the mesh briefs they sew into swim trunks for some reason.
People are right in saying it’s context and consent, and it’s not completely gendered. Men’s swimsuits are basically just boxer shorts. Normally I’m not self-conscious about that, but a few months ago I signed up for a toddler swimming class with my son where I wound up being the only Dad, and suddenly I felt a bit exposed. I think the normalcy of walking around in nothing but a small pair of shorts kinda evaporated once I was the only man in the room.
Yeah, and if you get out of the water and have a “flattering” outline in your shorts, its suddenly becomes a much larger issue being the only adult male, and with children around… eesh.
Well, I wasn’t even thinking about that, but now I’ve got a whole new thing to be self-conscious about.
Don’t be self conscious, be self aware .
If your wedding tackle has shifted at all during your swim, may be try to get out away from the others a bit, not a creepy amount, but like… Be on one end of the group, turn away slightly when transitioning from water to land, place your hands “casually” in a way to cover yourself without drawing attention, all sorts of little tricks you’ll internalize before you know it, but it starts with being self aware.
Speedo under the trunks should help I would think.
social conditioning
We are on vacation right now and my SO actually wears only the bottom of the bikini and goes bra less to the beach, because she says it’s unfair I can free my nipples and she can not. Well that’s pretty fair I would say?
We are European though and probably a bit less prude than US Americans.my SO actually wears only the bottom of the bikini and goes bra less to the beach, because she says it’s unfair I can free my nipples and she can not
Doesn’t sound like she can’t.
Society and shit. I say boobs should be free.
If boobs had guns like in Austin Power, our heads would explode trying to figure out if we cared about the 2nd amendment more or being prudes.
Well considering I’m going to be around my son and other family members that’s not really possible lmao.
You should reflect back on that “less prude than Americans” part of his statement. It’s only “not really possible” because of widespread American taboos about nudity. If boobs were visible in everyday life - on TV shows and at a typical day to the beach - in a non-sexual way, your son wouldn’t give a crap.
It’s interesting that in many US cities, there’s no law against women going topless, but if a woman does it, it’s outrageous. Hell, some women get chastised for breastfeeding in public. We’re a messed up society.
To be fair, if your son cares it’s only because you/society taught him to care.
The difference is consent
Obviously consent is the non negotiable standard nowadays (or I wish it were so) but it’s true that beaches/swimming pools as a social construct allow for a lessened sense of prudishness in public. Underwears simply do not belong to this construct
The difference is one is battle armor.
I just got done working a comic convention this weekend. You might be pretty surprised by the general lack of clothing most people wear to those things (calling it a “costume”).
Just this weekend alone, I saw at least five guys walking around without a shirt, and I don’t know how many women wearing things that showed basically everything. Like so tight and thin I could tell what kind and color underwear they were wearing.
And this was in Indianapolis, far from a beach or lake, right in the middle of downtown.
Shoot, was GenCon this weekend?
Seems a little early for it.
PopCon
Yup, PopCon
Like the other reply said, it was PopCon, so you got at least a couple weeks.
We have an ad for ice-creams in NZ that covers this topic https://youtu.be/h-Lx2ihpGbc
Did he call them budgie smugglers?
Yup! Cause it looks like you’re smuggling some small birds in there!
Speak for yourself. I’m smuggling a raven.
Tog tog tog tog
You get used to it, especially when nobody cares. Walking into a corner shop in nothing but shorts is pretty Sus in a city in winter, but if it’s a hot summer day and the corner shop is near the beach, it’s fine.
There’s a restaurant at the end of the pier where I grew up that always has a sign that says “no shirt, no shoes, no problem”
Consent. If you see a woman in her swimsuit in public it’s because she wants you to. If you see a woman in her underwear in public it’s because she wants you to. If you see a woman in either when she DOESN’T want you to then she’s likely to have the same reaction. Same as dude’s in swim trunks. Public? Fine. Walk in on changing? Likely to be a bit “ahhhh!”
