This is becoming more common in my town. I just either feel like an ass saying I dont have cash, or lying, but I also can’t be giving out 20’s to everyone who asks.
I feel bad for most of them but at the same time I get anxiety walking down the sidewalk and seeing someone up ahead that I know is going to ask me for money. Its not like you can say “oh no, I donate to services that help the needy” because that person isn’t necessarily being helped by that. And ignoring completely feels so mean, plus I tried that one time and the person was screaming at me as i walked away that I ignored them.
I also dont want my city to round them up and send them to prison camps, something they are planning and that I know a lot of people would vote for just to “get rid of them” but im not supporting that at all.
Its tough.
I hate when they come by the car and look in your car… if you move a little they think your gonna give them money…
Sucks I know but come on what’s up with the pressure ?
Depends. I probably give more frequently than the average person. I live in an area with a lot of unhoused people and every encounter is different. I have seen the same people panhandling certain areas and I typically skip those, sometimes it’s someone selling a newspaper specifically made for unhoused people to sell and I’ll tend to buy one from them, sometimes it’s someone asking by a store and I’ll tell them I’ll get them on the way out, if they’re obviously not crazy or aggressive in response then yea I do give them something on the way out if I can. One guy walks straight up into traffic with his dog and it’s never for him. Sometimes I’ll have a bottle of water in the car and I will tend to give that rather than money for the intersection people.
I guess it’s vibes whether I give or not. If the vibe is obviously off or dangerous, nah. I will admit to stereotyping this scenario but if it’s a lady with a headscarf with kids…no that is a f’ed up scam.
But often it’s just someone asking and they’re not being aggressive and I’ll hand them a buck and nine times out of ten they say thank you or God bless you. 1 time out 10 it isn’t as nice or they might ask for more. I don’t belong to a church but in some ways I like the idea of tithing so I have reframed a lot of giving out some money directly as part of that. I donate to orgs too. At the end of the day, they’re people. I have no clue if or how we can solve the homelessness crisis but I have to keep reminding myself that they’re people. So I try to just think of it as if I have it today this could really benefit them and it won’t cost me too much to throw a buck their way.
We are also living in an era of increased fear and I am actively just trying to see people for whoever they are and having more small interactions with whoever. Striking up a little small talk with the cashier or people in line. Cracking a joke to a stranger if we both saw something kinda funny. Trying not to be naive about it and using my best judgement but I think we are losing our ability to just be with each other more and more. We all want to live in a community and have a nice neighborhood. The reality is I chose to live where I do and my community has a lot of unhoused people so I have to accept they are a part of my community. I don’t believe in gated HOA type living for myself, so why should I expect that level of conformity and comfort? I’ll face more discomfort but try to still live within my values in the face of it.
Aaaaand the edible has kicked in.
I don’t usually give money but I do acknowledge them. Usually try to look them in the face and say “sorry I don’t have any cash” or something like that. From having spent time with a few of them (I used to work the night shift at a restaurant and often let people hang out or have a coffee), something that hurts many of them is the dehumanization.
Of course if its not just someone asking for money but someone clearly having a mental breakdown, I do my best not to engage because you never know how that could be taken.
When I was younger a person who I admired said:
“I always carry some extra money in my wallet for when someone needy asks. It’s not my place to decide if this person needs help or not. Maybe they will use the money for drugs, maybe they need the money for clothes for their children. When I die and get to the pearly gates, I don’t want to find out that I had the opportunity to help someone who needed help and I didn’t help them because I assumed they would spend the money on drugs. Maybe they will spend the money on drugs, but that’s not for me to know right now.”
I thought that was some of the most noble shit my early 20’s ass had ever heard.
Fast-forward a few years to me and my new wife honeymooning in…San Francisco. My noble naive ass brought a wallet full of cash with me so I could help people in need. Nothing terrible happened, but I soon ran out of cash and we decided to start handing out food. NOBODY WANTED THE FOOD. They just wanted the money. I would offer food, and they would just say “do you have any money?”
Anyway, nowadays I just say “sorry bro, I don’t carry cash”.
Less noble person: Always carry some extra drugs for when someone in need asks…
I lived in a rough neighborhood for a good while. It hardens you to it a bit. I just say I don’t have anything for them.
If I have change or a spare buck, I give it to them. I don’t care what they spend it on.
Sometimes I give, sometimes I don’t, kinda depends if I have cash.
As a reasonably sized man, I also try to make eye contact and give a polite “Sorry I don’t have anything today.” For those who really need the help and are trying like hell to get it, I can’t imagine the insult to injury you must feel to not only not get help but also to be treated as though you are invisible. I like to at least let people who ask know that I can see them.
If you’re in a legitimately dangerous place or you feel you may be at risk in some way maybe don’t do this though.
NYC, we just ghost everyone that’s not directly involved in our life. My day consists of ghosting the entire city until I get to work
I tell them the truth: I don’t carry cash.
Ignore them.
Say “no sorry” and move along, its not a problem for individuals to solve.
I’ll give sometimes if they’re not pushy. If i don’t want to, sometimes I’ll tell them “I just gave all my change to that guy back there”
I feel really guilty and to avoid feeling worse by making eye contact, I just ignore them. The first time I encountered somebody homeless after being on my own, I felt like a huge asshole because all I could say was sorry while walking by them with grocery’s. I didn’t have cash on me at the time. Ever since then, I’ve just always ignored them. I’m what they call a hypocrite. Sucks
I have given sporadically in the past, depending on how poor I was at the time, etc.
I don’t carry cash at all anymore, though.
i give them money, just $10. I feel bad and I’ll be thinking about it all day. Even if they do something wrong with it at least they know someone cared
