My experience was even more frustrating. For my entire childhood and adolescence, I didn’t have a clue that I wanted to be a girl. I didn’t even consider it to be an option for a long time, nor did I ever think that could not need to live as a boy. There were signs, like feeling uncomfortable having a bare chest, hating men’s changing rooms, getting jealous of my friends who got to crossdress, but I never thought that being feminine could be for me. Other people got to gender bend or be girls, but not an ugly boy like me. I needed to be a cool boy because I didn’t have any choice. I could only play games as male characters because that’s who I was.
It wasn’t until college that I met a trans feminine person and started hanging out in trans spaces online. It low-key fucked me up that I didn’t ever wish to be a girl as a kid. These trans women felt so much like me, but I could only remember hating masculinity, not wanting femininity. Never getting a chance to try it in any way was what hurt me the most. I would never have tried it unless it was encouraged and seen as a normal thing, but because I was never seen as a target for femininity by other people, I never stood a chance.
It took me like 3 years to even try dressing remotely feminine, and it was not something I initially wanted to do that much. Needless to say, I felt like an actual person around others for the first time in my entire life.
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My experience was even more frustrating. For my entire childhood and adolescence, I didn’t have a clue that I wanted to be a girl. I didn’t even consider it to be an option for a long time, nor did I ever think that could not need to live as a boy. There were signs, like feeling uncomfortable having a bare chest, hating men’s changing rooms, getting jealous of my friends who got to crossdress, but I never thought that being feminine could be for me. Other people got to gender bend or be girls, but not an ugly boy like me. I needed to be a cool boy because I didn’t have any choice. I could only play games as male characters because that’s who I was.
It wasn’t until college that I met a trans feminine person and started hanging out in trans spaces online. It low-key fucked me up that I didn’t ever wish to be a girl as a kid. These trans women felt so much like me, but I could only remember hating masculinity, not wanting femininity. Never getting a chance to try it in any way was what hurt me the most. I would never have tried it unless it was encouraged and seen as a normal thing, but because I was never seen as a target for femininity by other people, I never stood a chance.
It took me like 3 years to even try dressing remotely feminine, and it was not something I initially wanted to do that much. Needless to say, I felt like an actual person around others for the first time in my entire life.