The title can be a bit confusing, and it my not be a direct question here, but the question is based on myself being in a place in my life where everything moves very fast, I have lots of things to do, and little time enjoying things that earlier would define my life. I have recently started on a journey trying to make my spare time more “slow”, to be more in the moment at actually enjoy doing the small things.
Examples of this can be that I have made my smartphone very dumb, by removing all the apps that makes you doom scroll. This was not hard as I lost interest in Instagram, facebook and other apps about 3 years ago. I just felt like I was “too old” for these kinds of apps and the time they steal from you (I am “only” 33 now).
I have also sold my SteamDeck, and instead bought a old-ish computer running windows 7 and a CRT monitor that I keep in my apartment. I use this to play older games that I know I enjoy, as well as trying out the games I never played as a kid (I only played sports games, but found out I really love everything from Elder Scrolls to Ghost recon and so on). In this way I find it more enjoying to sit down on a Friday night, after me and my girlfriend have eaten the usual Friday dinner and watched some crap movie (because that’s default in our lives these days. Watching stuff on streaming and scrolling at the same time) and have a beer by my side playing something or exploring some content online. ON A CRT MONITOR. I know I sound like a tool trying very hard for nostalgia, but I cant’ feel anything other than that its working.
I am also considering other things to “dumb” down my life for the sake of getting some kind of “peace” with the things I do. For example buying physical news papers to have a “quiet” moment reading, instead of sitting on my phone doing four things at the same time.
Has anyone else felt this way about not being in the moment when doing things?
Went to a Linkin Park concert last week. Everyone had their phones out the entire time. I snapped a few 15 second videos myself but then I just stood there and enjoyed myself.
One dude next to me was on Instagram. Why the fuck are you here?!
Legitimate question: are you ever going to watch those videos again, ever?
I don’t go to concerts as often as I’d like, but when I do I’d far prefer to take in the moment myself vs. trying to capture it on my phone. I’m there for an experience; not a recording.
If that action makes your night better, so be it. I won’t get in your way. I do, however, get annoyed when I’m trying to watch an act and some idiot’s phone is held above their head, blocking my view.
Each to their own, but personally I don’t “get” it.
I am actually planning on editing together a quick montage. I also got a few videos of me and my friends enjoying songs too. I will say I don’t look back at like 90% of the regular photos I take anyway but when I do it’s fun.
Insane.
I’m a little older than you and years ago I took similar steps. Getting rid of “distractions” for me did help but it left with me emptiness as scrolling or whatever had become second nature. I moved to the slow Internet, gopher, Gemini, much later lemmy but in my case the distractions gave shape to my problem not the problem was my distractibility.
Being in the moment for me took practice and the cultivation of calm. As cliche the e as it sounds meditation helped me find what calm felt like and that allowed me to cultivate it. I had stopped doing social media in my late 20s, stopped going to bars everyday and then moved across the country.
The reset of moving allowed me to attempt all new habits but I had not yet changed enough to appreciate what I had. I would have probably gotten the same benefit just being open to change where I was. Wherever you go, there you are is legit. Video games, alcohol, cocaine, social media or whatever were not keeping me from happiness. I was using them to replace the work of finding contentment.
I was a poor craftsman and I blamed my tools. I probably set my “personal development” (whatever that is supposed to mean) back years by making drastic changes to my circumstances and still being miffed I wasn’t “fulfilled.”
I can’t say that any of that is applicable to you but I tried a lot of things and the “problem” if it can be called that was between the keyboard and chair for me. I should have started by asking myself what do I want and then Iinterrogating that answer until it confessed.
deleted by creator
Has anyone else felt this way about not being in the moment when doing things?
I kind of have the opposite. Sometimes I have to fight myself from losing myself to the moment, exploring all the permutations of thought of what is happening in the moment, what its implications are, what else would compliment it or sour it, how others around me are experiencing it (or ignorant of it), the visceral experience, the light/texture/smell/temperature, the infinite possibilities of the circumstances of the moment and every branch the next second could follow. Then I realize I’ve been daydreaming again, and have to drag myself back to the toned-down reality of what life chore I have to do next.
You mention several things in your live that distract you (doomscrolling, steamdeck, etc). Those offer someone else’s prepackaged experiences for you to consume, which is their purpose. Distraction. There’s nothing wrong with those, as long as they aren’t consuming you all the time.
Can I ask if you allow yourself to daydream?
I can relate to what you are saying and I am certainly daydreaming. My problem is that when I am in “such” moments, I get a strange feeling that I schould be doing something else. Something important or something that I am missing out on. That be work, beer with friends or just a simple task then and there.
Ah okay, thats a different problem, with different a solution.
On its surface you’re expressing you don’t have permissions to just enjoy the moment, that there is some other pressing issue that you should be putting your attention to instead.
Instead what you have is a budgeting problem. Except our scarce resource isn’t money, but time. There are only so many hours in a day, and if you let it, an infinite number of tasks to complete. Knowing that you can only do so much in a day, and only a fraction of that time can be spent on “productive” activities. You have to give time to yourself or you’ll go nuts. So first, decide how much time of the day (outside of work and sleep) you are going to put to “productive” activities. That number can’t simply be all the waking hours that aren’t sleeping, working, or eating. Be realistic. Then along with that budget time to slack off where your only responsibility is no responsibility. If you are daydreaming during that slack off time, you know there’s nothing else you should be doing. The thing you should be doing is slacking off.
More pragmatically, instead of having a daily time budget, have a weekly one. You can work yourself hard one day if it means allowing yourself a longer continuous slack off time later in the week.
Not really, but I make a point of being offline when doing certain activities like evening walks or long distance runs. Also, if I have some free time at home (which is rare), I put my phone in another room and just do offline stuff.
a little update guysNo, because I actively separate the things I’m doing.
Smart phone gets put away if I’m focused on something else. I block off time to do things to minimize interruptions and distractions. Often this requires working around the schedules of the wife and kiddo, but it is doable for the most part. I play modern games on a modern PC with friends, but again the time is (mostly) blocked off for that and I am fully engaged. I can’t do the scrolling and videos at the same time because I’m not able to read and listen to something else at the same time.
While I do tend to scroll my phone with a show or movie I’m not focused on in the background, that is mainly because I want to scroll and the TV is there to drown out background noises.
It really comes down to choosing what to be focused on, and it may take practice. I have ADHD and it takes a lot of intentional work to stay focused on things, but it is doable without needing to revert to retro tech, which I found more distracting at the time before working on intentionally avoiding distractions!
Anhedonia?
Hm. When I read about it, it does not seem like relevant to me, as I previously have not had any problems with enjoying things. I feel more like I am suffering from “things change and I miss something”
