AFAB, nonbinary person who identities as non-binary because they are fluid. I.e. sometimes a woman, sometimes another gender. Dating a woman.

I guess if we’re getting technical, they’re only a lesbian sometimes. But we don’t have a term for truly NB dating a woman. And they don’t self identify as male so they’re not hetero. So lesbian it is.

See? Easy peasy.

But this is why I stopped trying to make logical sense of it. I don’t need to understand that level of detail about a stranger, and I dont care who they’re fuckin unless it’s me.

All the labels are made up, there are no rules, and you might identify with multiple categories. I use the labels bisexual, pansexual, and lesbian interchangeably, because they have different connotations and familiarity to most people. Need to communicate that I’m with a woman? A lesbian relationship. Want to make it clear that I’m attracted to all sorts of gender identities? Bisexual/pansexual, depending on who I’m talking to and what terms their familiar with/how specific I feel like being.

The labels don’t have hard and fast rules. I’m attracted to women, I’m gay, I’m lesbian, I’m non-binary, etc. It doesn’t matter. They all apply to me and can overlap to varying degrees. I know a trans guy that calls himself both a gay man and a lesbian. I know trans women that refer to themselves as twinks. Specificity and semantics aren’t as important as communicating what you intend to whoever you’re talking to.

Gender and sexuality aren’t hardwired rules, but influenced by our culture and environment. This is true for everyone. This isn’t to say that someone’s gender or sexuality isn’t intrinsic to that person, but how they think about those and present them are part of an ongoing performance for themselves and others. If you’re interested in learning more on the subject, I can recommend some excellent books on the subject, or feel free to ask followup questions here or in DMs.

Gender sillies usually just mean not exclusively a man or woman. So non-binary is really just another umbrella term that encompasses gender fluidity, the absence of gender, a mixture of genders, or genders that are separate from male or female. Most gender identities under the enby umbrella are some mix of those or other concepts. I think the term lesbian had a slightly more complex meaning historically but I don’t feel qualified to talk about that so I’ll go with the wlw definition in which case someone non-binary could be part female such as in a male/female mix or just a demigirl could easily be lesbian.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_contract