Marge: “Florida, nooo!”

Florida: “What?”

Marge: “Sorry, force of habit. Pensylvania, nooo!”

Can we have only news stories in this vein for at least the next week or so please? I am mentally exhausted from the world right now.

“We welcome service animals in our stores, but it is unacceptable to expose members of the public to potential danger.”

Don’t they sell guns and ammo?

Before Jinseioshi arrived, Silva already had a zoo’s worth of reptiles in his animal family, including six snakes, a leopard gecko, a Komodo dragon, an ocellated skink and a second alligator. He also has a dog.

A komodo dragon. I didn’t even know those were legal for private ownership.

This is why people move to Florida

Fuck they think it’s gonna do? Jump out of the cart and go on a rampage. If I saw that little dude free-range on the trail, I’d be like, “Sup.” And then it would run away.

Unbelievable.

In other news, four years ago a midlife crisis started with a very Pentecostal bent.