I read the article and followed the thread. And yeah, online misogyny is a real problem. But here’s what no one wants to talk about. We’ve failed young men. Full stop.
About ten years ago, a friend of mine who’s gone now pointed me toward this thing called MGTOW. “Men Going Their Own Way.” I had just come out of a toxic divorce, so the idea of stepping back from dating and learning to enjoy life on my own terms seemed kind of healthy. At first glance, it looked like a decent idea. Just guys doing their own thing, not hassling anyone.
But once I started digging, I realized something else was going on. Beneath the surface, it wasn’t about peace or self-sufficiency. It was this boiling cauldron of resentment and hatred, mostly aimed at women. What looked like a community of self-reliant men turned out to be a recruiting ground for bitterness and blame. I didn’t buy into it, because I wasn’t angry at the world. But I could see how someone who felt isolated and ignored might get sucked in.
That’s what a lot of this comes down to. Loneliness. Disconnection. No sense of value or direction. And then someone online tells you it’s not your fault, it’s women’s fault, or society’s fault, or anyone but you. That stuff spreads fast because it gives people something to belong to.
I’m not saying you excuse the hate. But we better understand where it’s coming from if we want to stop it. You don’t fix this by lecturing young men. You fix it by giving them a sense of purpose and identity that doesn’t rely on putting someone else down.
And no, masculinity itself is not the enemy. We need better models of it. Mr. Rogers comes to mind. He was kind, decent, and strong in a quiet way. He didn’t need to bully or dominate anyone to be respected. That’s the kind of example we ought to be lifting up.
About a year ago I got banned from Reddit for saying that a hockey player should go to jail for murder after he deliberately cut another guy’s throat with his skate. The video showed it clear as day. I guess that was too spicy for Reddit, even though I stand by what I said. No big deal though. I was getting sick of that place anyway.
I had already played around on Lemmy before that happened, so I just moved over here. I deleted my first account because I felt like I was spending too much time commenting, but I’m back now. I also have a BlueSky account, but honestly, I never use it.
Lemmy has potential. But let’s be real, there are some features it still needs to really work as a Reddit replacement. It could use something like Reddit Enhancement Suite. That means stuff like tagging users, highlighting keywords, managing comments, and keeping track of threads. The mobile apps like Jerboa and Thunder are okay, but they still feel half-finished. Search is another issue. We really need full text search that works across the entire fediverse, not just locally. It would also help to have saved comments and a good bookmarking system. Managing multicommunity subscriptions should be easier too. Markdown needs a proper preview tool, and comment formatting could be better. And it would be nice to have a real modmail or private message system that does not feel like a workaround.
Still, I like being here. The federated model is messy sometimes, but it feels less controlled. And that counts for something.