Do you want fries with that?

Whenever I get nostalgic for a 1990s email client I install thunderbird

I’m the sergeant-at-arms of the Scranton New Jersey insect club. We’re looking for a new treasurer. If you like creepy crawlies and are good with counting pocket change, give us a call.

What I do: I interrupt them. “Hey fucknuts I’m not interested in your time share bullshit. Just keep your eyes on the road and your hands on the wheel and your trap shut.”

That works wonders

There’s two types of people: those who hate pitbulls, and those who’s pitbull hasn’t mauled someone yet.

We’re all very disappointed with your attitude.