This is a man who refuses to make the same mistake twice.
deleted by creator
I’m going to make my own Boomer-esque gender observation here: people generally don’t like having the fact that they conform to a stereotype about their sex pointed out. This woman would probably not be laughing if she thought she fit the stereotype, and especially not if she had ever made herself vulnerable by explicitly admitting that.
deleted by creator
This behavior isn’t exclusive to one sex, but I think it is stereotypically feminine. I (a heterosexual man) usually hear about it when heterosexual men give each other advice, and it’s presented as an irrational thing many women do which the men should learn to accommodate.
deleted by creator
The fact that the stereotype exists (and both the man and the woman presumably know that it does) makes me perceive the comment in the OP as mocking or patronizing. The man’s intent could be to offend or perhaps to imply “I’m glad you don’t actually expect treatment like this,” but even that would offend many women. I don’t understand why you or the woman in the OP think it was said in good faith, because it’s something I would say myself only if I wanted to hurt the feelings of the woman I was speaking to so much that I was willing to sound sexist.
deleted by creator
Never make the same mistake twice.
Make a new mistake to learn from.
This is a man who still views human relationships as procedural and logical and consistent.
I would love to be able to do this. I always jump right to problemsolving mode. At best I realize my mistake halfway throgh.
Keep working on it, it takes so much effort on my part to be like “man that really sucks” or “wow that sounds really frustrating” for the most part my SO knows the solution and just wants to be heard.
I’ve overheard her talking to her mom on the phone how supportive I am and how good of a listener I am. This is the first relationship I’ve managed to do these things and we’re getting married in 4 weeks :)
It can also be nice to ask “what have you already thought of” once you reach the solutions stage. Offers another chance for connection and making them feel like you are not assuming they haven’t thought of anything yet.
Congrats!
Congratulations!
It takes practice, but it can be a game changer in a relationship.
Something tells me she can solve the shwarma conundrum on her own.
Autistic partners checking in.
I would definitely be like this
Like the boyfriend or like the shawarma that fell apart? Cause I’m more like the latter.
The boyfriend being supportive while also humorous
I wanted to make a joke about being an arm to hold onto, but that’s just because my spelling doesn’t have a leg to stand on
It’s good to check in about what kind of support folks want!
I can ask the question, sure, but what if the answer is wrong?
This one is hard. Only after having had every possible reasonable solution rejected, reaching the domain of frustration, do you realise that that perhaps they don’t even want help. No words. Just nods.
The feelings stage can be simplified into two scenarios.
- Does the person just need to vent?
- Does the person need to feel supported/ understood?
When I’m unsure I ask my partner if they need to vent, feel supported, and/or solve the problem.
Whats a shawarma?
Like a kebab:
Meme makes a lot more sense now.
