i will talk to my doctor about this of course but just wanted to collect my thoughts and seek out some other experiences before my next appointment. Sorry for such a long post, I guess the TLDR is I’m not sure if I lack the ability to focus enough to have ADHD.
Since I got the results i have been reading and listening to a lot of stuff about adhd. One thing I am pretty sure of is, if I do have ADHD it is the “inattentive” type, not the “hyperactive” type. Even so I am still quite conflicted about whether or not I actually have it at all. I’ll read one article and think “that’s TOTALLY me, I definitely have ADHD”. For example, I have really struggled with these things since middle school at least (i am 40 so trying to think back before high school is a bit fuzzy):
- Severe motivation deficit/procrastination, particularly for tedious tasks and long-term projects
- poor long term planning/project management (even gives me some anxiety just thinking about)
- poor long term time perception (like I’ll intend to think about and purchase Christmas gifts, but then it’s too late)
- Not great attention to detail, and I feel like I can sometimes jump to conclusions
- Some trouble finishing “last 5%”
- poor sleep hygiene. i actually fall asleep and stay asleep fine but it’s hard for me to put myself to bed at a good time and wake up in the morning. mornings have been hell my entire life.
But then I go read something else and think “hm that does not sound like me at all”. For example I am reading the book How to ADHD, and in it she says:
According to Hallowell, if you, an attention-challenged person, abandon all the distractions of modernity, go live on a farm, and finally find peace, you don’t have ADHD. If, instead, you show up to the farm and get so bored you decide to build a carnival—congratulations, you are one of us.
Like… I would absolutely not have the energy or motivation to build anything like a carnival. I would of course occupy myself with other things, I guess reading or playing guitar or listening to music, but isn’t that basically normal? I’m just not sure how to interpret this. Is this more applicable to “hyperactive” people, maybe not so much for “inattentive” people?
I’m just not sure what to make of all this yet. My whole life i have felt extremely lazy and low energy, but once i get over that initial (major) motivation problem i feel like i can focus fine and get stuff done. Is that what “hyper focus” is? Or does that more likely mean I don’t actually have ADHD?
Thanks for reading and any feedback is welcome.
Theres a list of things that they ask to figure out if you have ADHD. If you have like 8 out of thirteen things you have ADHD. Pay attention to the qualifiers though. To the extent that your life is negatively impacted, and in comparison to your peers. Everyone loses their car keys and wallet sometimes, people with ADHD lose everything all the time, and it’s a hindrance to their everyday life. People who know you comment on your propensity to lose things. Everyone hates the tedious parts of their jobs, people with ADHD lose their job because they can’t do tedious things.
It may also be helpful to think about the things we can do. People with ADHD can access the expensive creative part of their brain and the detail oriented task focused part at the same time. This gives us the ability to think creatively while doing a task. There’s also hyper-focus, the ability to focus on just one thing for extended periods. When the two abilities combine, you can slip into a flow state that can be very productive.
Theres a list of things that they ask to figure out if you have ADHD. If you have like 8 out of thirteen things you have ADHD.
yeah I’ve done that, I’m just wary of self-reporting assessments. I’m not confident that I’m assessing myself objectively.
There’s also hyper-focus, the ability to focus on just one thing for extended periods.
yeah I’m just having trouble figuring out if my well-focused periods are just “normal people” focus or actual hyperfocus.
If there’s someone you trust, have them fill out the questions about you.
You sound like me. You ever nod off when you really don’t want to just because you’re bored?
I would go from full of energy to 0 in minutes during a boring lecture, reading bedtime stories or driving. (Yeah. Scary)
Nobody ever complains about the inattentive type. We just get labeled lazy, but we aren’t disruptive, so we don’t get the attention that leads to diagnosis.
Yeah, the only reason I got diagnosed with ADHD and autism was because my sibling, who is way more noticeable in their behaviour got diagnosed before me and then my mother noticed similarities with me.
sometimes I do get sleepy during the day but It’s hard for me to say if it’s just due to boredom because I am often running on less sleep than I need (pretty sure I have delayed sleep phase syndrome as well).
Sleep issues can cause ADHD-like symptoms. But ADHD also often causes sleep issues, too. Have a read of this article.
For what it’s worth, I have diagnosed and medicated inattentive ADHD. I also have a small farm. I have never once been bored with it; in fact, if anything, I feel like I struggle so hard to make sure that everything gets done to my level of satisfaction. I get our chickens fed each day, my partner cares for the bees, and the dog gets two chunks of time outside to play fetch a day. But the garden is only ever half-weeded. If I feel anything, it’s panic over how much time it takes me to do things and a constant feeling of drowning splitting my time between the farm, my kids, my day job, community, and social responsibility.
I also have learned that I CANNOT go sit on the couch after I get my eldest child to sleep. If I do, the multifaceted tentacles of YouTube will grab me and I will wind up trying to operate on 4 hours of sleep too.
All this to say – ADHD experiences vary wildly, but they often rhyme. A lot of the folks in here are saying ‘yep, your symptoms sure do rhyme.’ Take that as you will :)
I’ve got diagnosed at age 26, now 16 years ago. This was after a whole set of tests, spread over days with observation included. You need a professional because there is so much involved.
Everybody’s different so even though articles and YouTube videos on the subject may seem recognisable, sometimes they also describe stuff that I don’t experience.
There is no hyperactivity on the surface but that doesn’t mean there is no hyperactivity at all. I for an instance became very well at hiding and suppressing the ‘H’ in ADHD. So much that even to me it seems like there’s nothing there.
So, get tested by a professional. When’ you get diagnosed, see how that can work for you. I for an instance had poor results in high school but graduated magna cum laude in law school four years ago.
Being diagnosed made me look for alternative ways of organising my life and made me more successful. At least it made me understand myself.
yeah I have been seeing a psychiatrist for a few months, that’s who set me up with the creyos assessment. I just haven’t spoken to them about it in an actual session yet.
The spectrum part is the key idea here. You can be fat while not being as fat as others. The existence of the people on 600lb life doesn’t make you skinny or athletic. The existence of older people than me doesn’t make me not old. Wether or not there exists someone older than me doesn’t change how much I want you to stay the fuck off my lawn.
yeah that is true, but some ADHD symptoms can also overlap with other disorders, so I wonder if the symptoms I struggle with are more of a result of depression or autism or something else.
