It’s been a hard 5 months, but I think the end is finally in sight. I’ve given up on seeking help from the medical system, I’ve been in the ER begging for help multiple times and all I ever got was a medical certificate.

Instead I’m working through my stuff one day at a time and relying on friends for help when I need it, it’s hard but it’s working. I’m having more and more good days, even if I’m still struggling.

Here are some wins:

• I’m 5 days sober
• I’m somehow maintaining a sleep routine
• I’m in love with songwriting more than ever
• I’m on top of my to-do list
• I’m cooking and eating well(ish)
• I’ve started putting weight back on (I think)

It finally cooled off enough for the first time since June that i could get a single good nights sleep the other day. I slept in that morning with a window cracked open it was so comfy 🫠 naturally, some time next week has a forecast in the 90’s again 😑

I’ve got about a month before i am legit unemployed (context) and getting worried about that. I have done absolutely nothing with the time off I’ve had from this, aside from starting to exercise regularly, actually happy about that. I had a list of things i wanted to accomplish and that’s the only thing i actually did. I didn’t use my medical insurance to get some form of treatment for ADHD, or go to the doctor for the first time in a decade for a basic checkup, and i doubt i could even get an appointment before my insurance runs out at this point.

Meh. Unexpectedly sick yesterday, which sucked. If I’m gonna be sick, can it at least be during the workweek so I can get out of work, instead of losing a weekend day?

Transition-wise, I’m antsy that the doc hasn’t called me back about making an appointment to start cryopreservation. I really want to start my E, but I can’t until I’m done with that, and it feels like every step takes forever. I already had to switch clinics once because of their poor communication. The little voice in my head says that the new place is slow-rolling me in hopes that I get frustrated and leave, because they don’t want to deal with a trans patient in the current political climate. But their website says that they are happy to work with trans patients, so I might just be catastrophizing.

Came out to my SO after watching Priscilla queen of the desert. She had no reaction beyond “please keep your penis, I like it.” Other than that, she likes the idea of me with hips and boobs and is very supportive. Am going to talk to my doctor about it today.

Edit: been to the doctor and am getting a referral to a psychologist for diagnosis.

Same as any other week. To be honest