He’s 48, the girl is 17. Yes, their relationship is legal here; legality is not the point, but morality and ethics - I don’t think it’s okay. They’ve been dating for a few months now. I only found out about it recently when he started bringing her home to spend the night (I’m 19 and live with him). Dad’s been widowed since 2023. Her parents know and support this relationship - heard it straight from their mouth when they came to visit. My family believes the girl is a gold digger so she’s the one in the wrong. My dad and I are very close, he’s always been an amazing dad, supports me in every way a person can be supported… I’m queer and being queer in Romania isn’t well received to say the least, but he’s always had my back and I feel safe because of him. Now for him to go and do something like this… I talked to both him and the girl, he says it’s just something that happened (he didn’t go looking for it); she says she loves being spoilt and how “chill” my dad is (she characterized the relationship as a cold day in bed under the warm covers). I don’t really know what I’m looking to hear honestly, but I want to talk about it.
Totally okay to feel this way OP!!!
Best thing I read from all the comments so far was getting to know the woman more. There might be some small chance she happens be super mature? I don’t know, there are people who have spent multiple decades on this planet and we’re left with a few positive things to say about them and their maturity. Then you had the Greta Thunbergs & Malala Yousafzais whose brains likely developed far faster than almost any of their peers…
48 & 28, or any age and like 30, would certainly be a much better age gap. Not because I’m ageist but owing to statistics, probabilities, all that… it just helps when someone reaches a certain age where you become fairly confident they must’ve become an adult at some point and figured some stuff out. Then you are able to relax a bit with the otherwise inherent suspicions.
There are 8 billion of us. Presumably more than zero 18-year-olds will be happier, more fulfilled, even better off should they join an older partner. They will be exceptions to the rule. (Rule… like half your age +7 maybe? Would = 31 for your paps.) I guess I like to give people the benefit of the doubt (though keep in mind “more than zero“ is saying very little).
It is a BADDDDD look. It is unlikely it’s all gravy. Non-zero chance, though—non-zero chance it’s not the worst thing ever. Since it’s not illegal, you’ve time to sleep on it all some more and keep thinking where to go. Can make a new post here next week with more thoughts and questions. We’ll be here for ya buddy. (Can DM me if we miss it)
Final thought, I remember something (maybe “best of Reddit“) where someone eloquently ELI5’d to a young woman why although it felt so awesome to be with an older guy there were risks and why it wasn’t a good look for the guy essentially I think. Maybe someone remembers the post and can find it. Then if you get to know the young woman more, and you realize she…
is delusional(sry sounds offensive, just mean she’s actually mentally 17 like her birthday would predict), you would have this great way of explaining to her why the whole older guy thing isn’t isn’t Bee’s Knees.