Totally okay to feel this way OP!!!

Best thing I read from all the comments so far was getting to know the woman more. There might be some small chance she happens be super mature? I don’t know, there are people who have spent multiple decades on this planet and we’re left with a few positive things to say about them and their maturity. Then you had the Greta Thunbergs & Malala Yousafzais whose brains likely developed far faster than almost any of their peers…

48 & 28, or any age and like 30, would certainly be a much better age gap. Not because I’m ageist but owing to statistics, probabilities, all that… it just helps when someone reaches a certain age where you become fairly confident they must’ve become an adult at some point and figured some stuff out. Then you are able to relax a bit with the otherwise inherent suspicions.

There are 8 billion of us. Presumably more than zero 18-year-olds will be happier, more fulfilled, even better off should they join an older partner. They will be exceptions to the rule. (Rule… like half your age +7 maybe? Would = 31 for your paps.) I guess I like to give people the benefit of the doubt (though keep in mind “more than zero“ is saying very little).

It is a BADDDDD look. It is unlikely it’s all gravy. Non-zero chance, though—non-zero chance it’s not the worst thing ever. Since it’s not illegal, you’ve time to sleep on it all some more and keep thinking where to go. Can make a new post here next week with more thoughts and questions. We’ll be here for ya buddy. (Can DM me if we miss it)

Final thought, I remember something (maybe “best of Reddit“) where someone eloquently ELI5’d to a young woman why although it felt so awesome to be with an older guy there were risks and why it wasn’t a good look for the guy essentially I think. Maybe someone remembers the post and can find it. Then if you get to know the young woman more, and you realize she… is delusional (sry sounds offensive, just mean she’s actually mentally 17 like her birthday would predict), you would have this great way of explaining to her why the whole older guy thing isn’t isn’t Bee’s Knees.

Go fuck someone older than your dad and make it even

You should probably talk to him about your mom’s death to make sure this isn’t a rebound, because otherwise there’s a good chance you might have a sibling before any trauma of his gets worked out.

If it’s legal, then you’ve either got to put your morality aside and accept it or remove yourself from the situation. You can’t demand that others alter their behaviour to suit your moral code. There’s a better-than-fair chance that it won’t work out, anyway. She will want to do things that he’s not capable of due to his age, and he will want to do things that she’s not mature enough to process reasonably. If the relationship lasts, then good on them for finding happiness. From a personal point-of-view, I would be weirded out if my dad’s girlfriend was younger than me, too.

I’m 34 and my partner is 54, We’ve been together for over 10 years, this is the best and strongest relationship both of us have had, not that I have had many, but my partner has and he says he’s the happiest he’s ever been with me.

17 is young but it isn’t too young (imo), she might be mature for her age and they might work really well together.

Not sure what point I’m trying to make, other than this kind of age gap does not always mean doom and gloom and that your dad could have found someone he could really enjoy being with, and you don’t want to destroy his happiness do you?

You’ve talked to your dad about it, there’s nothing you can do. You can express your concern, displeasure, disgust, or whatever about the situation but it’s between them. It’s disgraceful and I’m sorry this is happening.

You’re right to be concerned. Something similar happened in my family, and it did not end well at all.

The ages were more like 16 and 36, which is legal here, and her family supported it, but that didn’t stop the grooming accusations. When the relationship failed (which is very likely when one partner has very little life experience), his reputation was ruined. He was severely beaten by other men who thought they were protecting her, and he was effectively run out of town.

However they might feel now, not everyone will see it the same way. This has consequences.

I do get the discomfort but what are you “moral” objections? Is it that she too immature to make a decision? Or is it that you think your dad is taking advantage of her?

It’s worth working through why this is a moral issue for you, you’re a bit vague about it. In Europe the age of consent is variable but 16 is common, and it can be a bit jarring when you see the reactions of Americans to anyone under 18.

But in Europe adulthood has generally begun at 16, including being able to leave school and work in many places. The voting age is even being extended down to 16 from 18 in some places. So it’s not as clear cut that someone at 16 is not able to make independent decisions as American users sometimes make it seem.

Having said that, I personally don’t like the idea but more pragmatically for the age difference and the maturity difference. She can consent but there is a very significant change in maturity from 17 to 25, and I’m not sure how viable a relationship someone who is 48 can have with someone who is 17.

I think they are both adults and of the age of consent. You can express your concerns to your dad but ultimately it is both of their decisions and you should stay out of it beyond that (unless there are other issues that arise). I wouldn’t go too far judging him beyond that - he will be your dad for the rest of your life. If you had a best friend who was 17 and in a relationship with a 48 year old, you might express your opinion but would you interfere beyond that? Probably not - this should probably be the same.