Thanks for your words, I often feel like looking like a woman is this unattainable goal, and I guess not reaching for it feels comforting if that makes sense?

I don’t let passing prevent me from living, I do basically what I want transition wise long hair, women’s clothing, perfume, you name it. but I really really really want to pass, because ultimately it would reflect what I really am on the inside. Now I feel torn like my soul is split between what I am and what people think I am.

I don’t know, I feel this sub is more of a happy place, I don’t want to ruin it, especially since positive trans spaces are hard to come by

I agree but if I go to the women’s bathroom I’d still immediately get kicked out :(

That won’t change for years until I get my maimed face fixed…

Entered late egg stage at 15 I kinda knew then, I repressed from 17 to 18+1/2, after that I started exploring my gender again (stuff like shaving leg, epilating, etc…) and eventually realised I wasn’t living for myself but for others when I was 19 (2-3 months away from turning 20) and decided then and there that I would transition, I came out to my parents a month after and tried to get HRT immediately, at the same time I changed my pronouns and my name with them as well, it took me nearly five months to be able to start the treatment (had to store my sperm). I was 20 and now I’m 7months on HRT :)

I understand not feeling valid enough for HRT the best way I can put it is: put aside the validity of your trans identity, do you want all the effects of HRT despite the “downsides”? you don’t have to be trans to get HRT.

I’ve got a few transmasc friends but they aren’t really tech savvy or interested in tech overall :(