I’ve been 10months on HRT so maybe it’s still too early to tell but I genuinely believe I won’t pass unless I get FFS, my face was quite masculine before HRT and I think it’s not possible to change some stuff without surgical intervention. I have a prominent brow ridge, my jaw is square and my chin is cleft. No matter how hard I try with makeup, voice, eyebrows and hair, I still get sir’d once people see my face. Sorrowfully without much hesitation. It makes me feel terribly illegitimate to call myself a woman when I look like this.
My dysphoria has lowered a lot since starting though and I actually feel alive for once in my life. But maybe it would be better identifying as a femboy until I can get FFS…
Personally, I think you should identify as whatever the hell you want and not worry about how your appearance might affect people’s perception.
I don’t think there should be a threshold for how feminine a trans person needs to be before they can change how they personally identify.
I might have also completely misinterpreted what you’re saying because I’m really fucking tired. Anyway I hope I could be helpful in some way.
I agree but if I go to the women’s bathroom I’d still immediately get kicked out :(
That won’t change for years until I get my maimed face fixed…
In my region, there’s a huge variety of women using the women’s restroom including me with just a pink hoodie and leggings and no makeup. I’ve also seen women with facial hair,non-binary and GNC people, and ftm men using the women’s bathroom. If you use the women’s bathrooms near me and show any amount of femininity you’ll be fine.
You may pass with HRT or you may not. It doesn’t hurt to have a plan to make yourself as comfortable in your own body as you can be. If that includes FFS then so be it, there is no shame in making a plan to get it. And who knows, while you wait for surgery you may even begin to pass as time goes on. My face has looked completely different every year that I’ve been on HRT.
There’s also no shame in identifying as whatever makes you feel the most comfortable and the most safe. It is completely understandable. Lord knows we all wish we could be so confident in ourselves no matter what, but we have to do what we can to survive.
I still boy mode outside of work and friends because I don’t feel safe being seen as trans by strangers and it hurts less when I am misgendered because at least I’m not trying.
My advice for now, try not to fixate on what about your face is causing you to not pass. In most cases it’s not any one part but how things fit together and in any case the FFS surgeon will know best. Also, please try your best not to let “not passing” stop you from living your life.
Thanks for your words, I often feel like looking like a woman is this unattainable goal, and I guess not reaching for it feels comforting if that makes sense?
I don’t let passing prevent me from living, I do basically what I want transition wise long hair, women’s clothing, perfume, you name it. but I really really really want to pass, because ultimately it would reflect what I really am on the inside. Now I feel torn like my soul is split between what I am and what people think I am.
