However, this is c/lemmybewholesome

You make a good point. I’ve deleted my comment. I was out of line bringing it to this community. My bad.

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The first time it happened to me, was 5 or 6 years ago now, before the climate turned as hostile as it is now. I work for a large organisation, and the people I work with all know I’m trans because I’m open about it, but there are many folk who I don’t work directly with, who didn’t know about my transition, because despite being open about being trans, we simply don’t encounter each other often.

In any case, I just made it clear that I remembered him, and mentioned the project we had worked together on a few years before the encounter. Told him that I was still working in the same area with the same folks. I could see him trying to work out who I was. I didn’t lie, but I didn’t out myself. I just let him struggle to remember me.

I have no idea if he ever did work it out, because I haven’t encountered him again since.

Is it federated/does it have social elements?

CachyOS, because I wanted something arch based due to the archi wiki and rolling releases.

My media boxes run Ubuntu, but that will change when they get rebuilt/replaced at some point, most likely to Debian

For what it’s worth, “Do I want to do her or do I want to be her?” is a whole thing with cis lesbians…

But maybe this is less rational and more psychological, maybe it’s just more satisfying to pass in front of a transphobe, maybe it’s more emotionally validating if the person who thinks the world is crazy for letting men into women’s restrooms sees that “man” is a woman.

Whatever you’re looking for here, you won’t get it. If a transphobe doesn’t read you as trans, you don’t get a reaction from them. If they do identity you as trans later on, or if you out yourself to them, they won’t question their beliefs, they won’t second guess themselves, they won’t give you more legitimacy. They don’t care about your appearance. They care that you’re trans, and all of the bigoted stuff that they attach to that. The only difference that cis passing makes with transphobes is that it gives you a break from the directly targeted hate they bring.

The only way to buy legitimacy in the eyes of transphobes is to turn the transphobia on yourself and your community. And even that’s not legitimacy, it doesn’t get you off their hate list, just lower down on it.

In my experience, being around folks who talk transphobia who don’t realise I’m trans just leaves me feeling dirty.

You can change minds, but not of people deep down the rabbit hole. And the folk who aren’t so far down get changed by your humanity, and by the realisation that they are hurting people who don’t deserve it. And you can only achieve that if they know that you’re trans, and care that their words hurt.

Passing culture is awful. The desire to avoid targeted transphobia makes sense, but the sense of extra validity, of extra legitimacy we are taught to attach to being able to pass as cis is poison. It doesn’t lead to anything positive. It takes time to reframe how you see chasing cis passing, and to undo the baggage that we as a community attach to it. It’s ok to feel relief at not being harassed, and it’s ok to deal with dysphoria if that’s what you need to do. However, the idea that the opinions of transphobes (or anyone else) on your appearance is connected to your validity is something you can only benefit from by challenging.

Are you mounting a FAT32 disk by any chance?

I’m old. When I wasn’t old, Shania Twain had a period where she was on the radio a lot. Every time “Man, I feel like a woman” came on, people would wonder when I had become a Shania Twain fan

I honestly don’t remember. It was 5 or so years ago. From memory, they were small brown gel caps, and I initially took 2 of an evening, but moved down to 1, before stopping. Can’t remember the dose in each cap

All I remember is that it made me wake up feeling like I was slightly hungover.

I’d just re-install Windows over the top of the fucked up install normally. It was a bit easier to recover from, and a bit harder to fuck up

It was similar for me, but not quite the same. The thing I hated was starting from scratch. I’m very much not a distro hopper. Back in the day, I enjoyed the challenge of trying to troubleshoot issues and get the system working again, and that kept me interested, but eventually, I’d hit a problem I couldn’t resolve, and I’d have to start again from scratch, and at that point, I’d just go back to Windows.

Now, I still get to do the same thing. If I break it, I get to learn how I broke it and try and fix it, and I find that process compelling. But because I’m using btrfs restore points now, I don’t get to the point where I have to start again from scratch. So I can work at solving it to the limit of my abilities, with confidence that if I can’t work it out, it’s not a huge issue.

The “starting over” part is what made it take so long for linux to “stick” with me.

Once it became “restore from an earlier image”, it was a game changer!

so please leave any politics

You say, as you wade in to a topic that only exists for political reasons, and is actively driven and sustained entirely for political reasons

On the horizon? They crossed that horizon a long time ago. It’s just going to accelerate now

Up to 7 years or so to get back as much as you’re going to get back.

The rough rule of thumb is that once HRT takes care of your T levels, your hairline can regrow to approximately where it was 7 years prior. There are no guarantees, and it’s a very rough rule of thumb, but regrowth is a thing :)

Phones are already too small. I use a fold because it’s the only way I can get a decent sized phone now!

In a business context, ma’am is fine. I don’t think a lot of women (especially younger women) love the term, but it’s not insulting or anything. It’s just a reminder of age