Funny we hug a line between mass acceptance that you don’t fuck with food and selfish behaviour around disease.

“Wear a hair net.”

“Of course.”

“Wear a mask.”

“Fuck you, let’s wreck the planet.”

Have you worked in a restaurant? You ever drink a Slurpee?

Trust me, you’re alright eating plenty of things you wouldn’t do consciously. I’m trusting my immune system to be able to fight off whatever contaminants it finds more than the people in the whole line of farm to plate.

I’m also trusting billions of freeloading foreigners (bacteria) to help digest the food in my intestinal tract and not go rogue or provoke cancer on a daily basis.

The FDA will allow like a whole cockroach to get blended into a jar of peanut butter before they even give a shit.

If you live in a developed country with some sort of food standards you are probably going to live just fine eating 99.99% of the things you see in a daily basis.

As for restaurant workers making mistakes… Yeah. If you’re the type of person who gets repulsed by your own hair falling into your food maybe avoid eating out. I have pulled someone else’s hair out of my food and kept eating. Shit happens and I already paid for the food. It would have to be like a bloody bandaid or something for me to actually send back food.

Every time you breathe you hope people have not farted in your general direction.

This is actually my very favorite kind of reasoning to oppose to conspiracy theorists. I don’t use food though, because people rarely think of death as a consequence of tampering with food: I use air travel.

“So you say I shouldn’t trust anyone, I see… So you don’t fly anywhere?” “What has that anything to do with it?” “Do you realize how many different people are involved in running checks just to keep you alive at any given moment of a flight and even in the airport?”

Usually these people drive everywhere and are borderline against the existence of public transport, so using trains or subway lines doesn’t work.

For what it’s worth, I was a line cook for 15+ years and I’ve only fucked with one person’s food in a serious way.

I’ve put out half-assed food. I’ve giggled with the waitress while destroying some asshole’s mouth with “smoking tonsils” hot sauce additive. He was a dick to my server and asked for wings as hot as possible. Malicious compliance.

I’ve spitefully skimped a pricks burrito on meat. I’ve hooked-up dope customers that treat all the staff like human-beings by making their food with extra care.

Only one person has ever driven me to hock a giant loogey in their food. They were an employee/driver/dealer/shitbag. And I’d do it again.

It’s not difficult to not get fucked with, just treat the people that make and serve your food with basic human dignity. If you get shitty food or service, maybe think about how much the essential worker serving you is getting paid. Think about what you feel entitled to from an essential worker that will never be paid a median income. Have some empathy and class solidarity.

Fuck tipping culture, but tip your server well. If you can, let the kitchen know you care. Send some drinks or tips their way. Or positive feed back.

Problems happen. You are not a jerk for pointing out (politely) a fuck-up. Just keep in mind that, ultimately, it’s the owners and management that are responsible for a bad restaurant. You have no power to change that except by “voting with your dollar”. And that is kinda bullshit, too. Just remember that no matter how mean or shitty you treat a worker, it doesn’t help anything except your inflated sense of entitlement.

Just please have some empathy.

Relatedly, never abuse your pizza delivery driver. He has unsupervised access to your food, and he knows where you live.

The only thing that I trust is that I can’t trust anyone that I don’t know and trust personally.

Your trusting the lowest paid strangers to not have tampered with your food

That was a plot point in Fight Club

Well personally I’m trusting the food inspector.

Everyone should watch the movie Waiting at least once. And not just for the penis showing game.

But less if you don’t buy it from a restaurant, and even less if you don’t have Doordash drive it to you.