Well, the egg “cracked” I guess. After 24 years, I’ve realized that I’m probably NB or trans. Looking back, I think that for a long while now, there’s been something in the back of my mind. Like a seed of doubt. I can think of any number of things that could’ve contributed to it. And it’s weird to me because I haven’t really felt any dysphoria, at least I can’t think of anything off the top of my head. But I know that there’s something off.
But anyway, over last weekend I was thinking about it a lot and after I came to that conclusion it was like this buzzing in my head that I hadn’t realized was there went quiet. And now that I know that… I have no fucking clue what happens next. The only people that know are close friends and I will absolutely not be letting anyone else who knows me know. HRT may be a very long ways (potentially 2 years, haven’t looked into it too much yet) away depending on a pending federal job.
Advice about HRT: physical changes happen very slowly. Mental effects happen much quicker. You can start it and see if it helps you feel more comfortable (happened within days for me) and stop if it isn’t good for you.
In the event that it is something you want, you will be happy that you started it earlier rather than later.
Edit: to be clear when I say “very slowly” for physical changes, I mean months. Do what you need to do if being visibly trans isn’t feasible within the next year.
100%, start with HRT - you can take it for a few months without any permanent changes, and it can be extremely clarifying and a useful as a diagnostic step, as well as significantly improve mental health and well-being, making everything else easier.