Circulation issues have been plaguing me for the past several months, and getting a doctor’s appointment is taking an eternity. As I’ve been waiting, the issue has only worsened, to the point where I am quickly losing sensitivity in my hands and fingers. EDIT: “Quickly” as in over the span of weeks having cold hands, not days or hours. If that makes a difference.
As a cis male, this has also begun to affect a certain part of the body that requires good blood flow to properly function. Without an incredible amount of sexual excitement, it remains worryingly cold and lifeless. I’m enjoying what I have left while it lasts, but it would be horribly fitting for me to lose feeling there too before I can even set foot into the vascular specialist’s office.
It’s brutal. It really is. I’m in my early 20s, and this, on top of a multitude of chronic health problems, is hitting me all at once. I’ve never had a partner, but I was always so excited to find one someday. But now, things have just gotten a whole lot harder. (That is, except for one thing.)
I don’t want to lose hope. I’ve already tried that in the past from my other health issues, and it only makes things worse. But it’s kind of difficult to imagine what a relationship looks like without functioning parts. Especially when this doesn’t magically make me asexual. I still want to enjoy some kind of sexual activity, but I’m not sure that I’ll be able to do it in the way that most women who would otherwise be compatible with me are hoping for.
I’d appreciate any kind of hope or encouragement, or just practical advice for what to do if the worst comes to pass. I feel that this is a scenario that I need to be prepared for, because god knows that the medical system isn’t fast enough to do anything except record the damage that has already been done.
Thank you, and I wish you all luck in dealing with whatever fucked up shit has come your way, too.
Lesbians have enjoyable sex all the time, and a penis typically isn’t involved at all! If yours won’t behave, just treat it like it’s no big deal, and continue to have fun using other parts (your mouth and fingers come right to mind), and make sure everyone involved has a good time anyway.
With a new partner, right before it’s time to get down with them for the first time, it’s a good idea to ask if they’ve ever been with anyone with ED, and if not, just explain real quick that:
- If it misbehaves, it’s no big deal; you’re still having a good time, you don’t want to stop, and you’ll just use other parts to make sure they end up satisfied in the end.
- No matter what, it’s not about them, it’s a physical issue. It’s exactly like how they no matter how much they want to, they simply can’t can’t lift and throw a car. It’s a physical limitation, not a desire problem.
- If you end up having to do some DIY at the end, their participation isn’t required, but certainly would be welcomed. [Which in this case means you jacking off once you’ve gotten them off, and having them help you in some way like making out with you, riding your face while you do it, rub you all over, etc, whatever would enhance that for you.]
Then get to it. 😁
If you’re in your 20’s experiencing this you should, frankly, check in to an ER. Old guys like me have some similar issues but not as bad as you are describing. Get some help, son.
So, any advice on how to get these guys to actually listen? Not sure this is an American thing, but I’ve had some bad luck with ERs:
I’ve been kicked of the ER after suddenly losing all feeling in my arm (which thankfully came back a day later).
Another time, I had sudden weakness that was bad enough that I lost the ability to stand while in the waiting room. They checked my basic vitals, saw normal numbers, and rolled me out of the place at 3 AM in a wheelchair after accusing me of making up my symptoms.
When I went to the urgent care for this circulation issue (because the tip of my toe was literally turning black) the doctor told me that it wasn’t urgent and set me up with this vascular specialist. He said casually that it might be some kind of heart problem, but I’d probably be fine because I’m young. That was 3 months ago. The circulation in my hands has diminished during that medium-term time frame, which is the worst time scale for degenerative changes to occur, because it’s not urgent enough for most doctors to consider it an emergency, but not long-term enough for regular appointments to catch it in time.
I appreciate the suggestion to seek emergency care, I really do, but I’ve been burned so many times while losing thousands of dollars in the process that it’s not so clear cut to risk going for a medium-term issue. I don’t have much in savings left, and my parents have made it clear that they won’t be of any help. They accuse me of overreacting and saying that I’m completely healthy despite being physically disabled, and that I will be financially punished for seeking care. (Unrelated, but they are also full-throated fascists who believe that the Holocaust was justified, just to make it crystal clear what kind of people I’m dealing with here.)
It seems that my conditions are downplayed because of my youth, and to make matters worse, I had already been diagnosed with small-fiber peripheral neuropathy for completely DIFFERENT chronic pain years ago that couldn’t be explained, so they could write it off as that despite my hands demonstrably being ice cold when they weren’t before.
So if I’m going to do something like this, I need to do it right. I’m open to suggestions if anyone has any.
Yes this! Loosing sensitivity is not a “circulatory problem” it’s an emergency. Please go now
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Look as I said above this is an emergency please go to the ER now.
But… even if you loose your dick there are lots of disabled people that have love and even kids. It’s more about personality. Believe me a healthy relationship does not depend on penetration. There are a lot of other ways to enjoy and even if you really want it there are implants and technologies to make this possible (believe me my grampanwas 95 when he had an implant because he couldn’t use viagra anymore. )
Edit: It’s important to be alive to have a relationship or sex. go to the er
I am dating a trans woman. Her parts similarly don’t function (but it’s due to the HRT).
I can’t speak on what might help it come back, but I can tell you there is plenty of sex you can do without an erection.
I am assuming you’re straight. (Man only interested in women.) It might be more challenging to find a straight woman that would be open to working with this, but it’s not impossible to find a woman that would love it. The best thing you can do is be confident in who you are, what you have to offer, and your worthiness as a person. (This is sexy no matter your identity.)
If you’re also interested in men, I hear there are some men that don’t use their penis at all. I don’t know a whole lot about that, so hopefully someone else can chime in if you indeed also like men.
I spoiler’d some more graphic descriptions of sex acts, if you’re open to ideas.
sex stuff here
There’s lots of stuff you can do without a penis. The stuff you’ve probably thought of, like oral or fingering. There is also something called tribbing. In your case, this is where genitals would rub together. She might straddle you, or you might get between her legs and grind up on her.
Sex toys are pretty damn great. You can use a dildo, hold it or use one as a strap on. You don’t even need to strap it to your crotch. You could even strap it to your thigh and let her ride that. For people that need the extra mobility, there are dildos with holes in the base you can attach to a handle.
Lastly, there are hollow dildos you can put over your own penis. It might feel affirming to you.
But there is more than just dildos. Vibrators are great. You might know about the regular penis shaped vibrators (vibrating dildos, they can be good), stick vibrators (meh), rabbit vibrators (meh), and wand vibrators (Hitachi type, great!) There are also small vibrators that are really versatile. You can use them alone, or put them in your strap on for stimulation for yourself while you’re penetrating someone with the strap. Don’t be shy with vibrators, they’re great on penises too.
I kind of focused on the partner, but let’s not forget about you. I’m not sure about your numbness, but depending on that situation, you might still find pleasure from oral.
If you haven’t already, you might also explore anal. If you’re straight, it will not make you gay, promise! Always flared base. Look up resources on how to work your way up to something bigger. You have a prostate, which makes anal very pleasurable for some men.
It can be limiting to think of sex as penis in vagina, ends when the man orgasms. It can be so much more! Explore your partner’s body. Watch their body react to your touch. Find out what drives them crazy. Help them do the same for you. End on your terms. When you both have orgasmed? When each person signals they’re done? It’s all up to you.
Good luck!
I’m fifty. Always was virile as fuck, you know. Had some wild times in my thirties and early forties. Three years ago it fell off a cliff. Still have an active sex life, it just often doesn’t end in a climax for me. And… it sucks for both of us. But it is what it is. More focus on sensuality. Touch still feels good.
She’s hitting perimenopause and she’s having issues from her end of things as well, so I guess the timing worked out for us.
Point is, you can have a relationship, even a sexual relationship, without full function. It’s just different. Good luck, mate.
So, if your doc hasn’t already discussed stuff like this with you, you’ve got a shitty doc. But, 100% there are treatments for that.
I’m a surgical tech, so my brain always jumps straight to the surgical option - there are probably things to try first, but just in case nothing else works and your vasculature really insists on being a… well, dick; there are still options:
https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/penile-implants/about/pac-20384916
I’ve been in a few of those surgeries, and it’s literally just putting a balloon in the chambers that usually fill with blood to produce an erection. You fill the balloon manually from an internal reservoir when to get it up; then release the pressure back into the reservoir when you’re all done.
In any case, sexual health is part of health: don’t let social anxiety or fear of awkward or anything like that get in the way.
And if you go the surgical route, FOLLOW YOU PRE AND POST OP INSTRUCTIONS TO THE T!!! I’ve also done a revision of one of those implants cuz our patient didn’t keep himself clean during the immediate post op period, and got an infection that is the stuff of nightmares. Definitely don’t be that guy.
Having an erection on demand button sounds wrought with hazards of it’s own design.
Hey brother, get to a doctor.
Also, hands and mouth. I’ve got similar problems. Hands and mouth do wonders
Something like this happened to me. I am much older however. It wasn’t the exact circumstance but a bad deal none the less. Turned out I had a cancerous spinal tumor that was misdiagnosed repeatedly. Go to the doctor. Be sure your problems are what you think they are. If you’re waiting forever and it gets worse go back. If no one listens find a new doctor.
Many women would prefer a relationship without penetration, for some women penetration can be painful without proper warmup and many men are frankly terrible about it.
This is likely less of an issue than you fear.
Give up, if you want zero chance. Dick/pussy don’t work? Think: okay, what’s my next best move, what pieces are left in play?Edit: Change doctor, go private, or walk into A&E.
