Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
Will change your life.
Get help if you can. Buy a book with worksheets. Whatever. Dive in.
I suggest therapy instead of asking random people on social media. This sounds way too important to leave to Lemmy comments.
While yes, there are barriers to access for a lot of people there. Support groups - exchanging insight with people who have been in similar situations - tend to be pretty effective, and Lemmy is just acting as an online front for that.
I’d take anonymous internet comments with a grain of salt, but with that healthy skepticism in mind there’s plenty of potential for healing even in this environment.
I probably have no business commenting here, but I’m gonna post my thoughts anyways.
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Forget the idea of intimacy, however long you feel you need to. Find an innocent hobby or skill, study it, master it as best as you can, and be proud of it.
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Be proud of yourself in general. If you were abused, you shouldn’t be ashamed, your abuser should be ashamed.
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If you do eventually find someone worth love, be open with them. They should understand and respect you and your boundaries.
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Take life at your own pace, don’t let anyone else abuse you again, and take my advice with a grain of salt.
Disclaimer: I’m no expert, but I’ve had friends that were abused ☹️
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Connect with peers.
Plenty of people grew up in similar circumstances. There are all sorts of self help groups. A good therapist would be able to help you find them.
What kinds of things are we talking about here?