Reading.
Or rather, how so many people seem fear and avoid it, or can’t do it. Something like 21% of adults in the US are illiterate, and the majority – 54% – read at or below a 6th grade level.
I’ve been a sight reader probably since I was about six years old. I absolutely cannot look at any words legibly written in my native language and not understand them. You couldn’t force me to look at words written in English and not digest them if you held a gun to my head. I fear no wall of text, no matter how tall it is.
It takes some effort to wrap your head around the notion that not only can most people not do this, but statistically speaking most or at least a plurality of people have to struggle or exert conscious effort to read and many of them are loathe to do so. And roughly one in five people simply can’t. This did not sink in for me when I was younger.
I can’t imagine having to live my life that way. You nerds have seen how much bullshit I write in a day; I’d go absolutely bats.
As a kid I kept asking librarians why libraries were so empty of people if they had so many books and it took me years to understand the sadness in her shrug.
That stat is wild, reading is such a foundational skill in today’s world.
My goodness, I am so much like you.
I’ve been using a book tracker app since the iPhone 4s (2011) just to keep track of what I buy - I don’t track anything else - because even way back then I had trouble remembering if I had a book or if I had just browsed it elsewhere.
In 2018, various functions (search, sort, stats, etc.) took a permanent dirt nap just as I was nearing the 3K number of entries. And these are just the books I own.
The size of the DB backup file has nearly doubled since then.
Now granted, a number of books I get need to go straight into storage before I can even read them, as I have not yet built my library. It’s already gone through several redesigns to stay ahead of the size of my collection, and right now I’m looking at movable library storage stacks - the kind that roll on miniature railway tracks and have wheel-like dogs at their ends that a person turns to easily move them back and forth (opening and closing an access corridor between the stacks for access to the books). I’m hoping to eventually have almost half a linear kilometre of shelving in my library once it’s built.
I cannot imagine the horror of being even semi-illiterate, much less fully illiterate. I absolutely love reading.
That sounds completely awesome and seems like a fulfilling goal to have in life! Please make sure though to set up some type of arrangement for if something happens to you with such a large and incredible collection like that. I’ve been involved with estate sales and have seen personal loved ones just completely overwhelmed with the amount of things to process after a relative’s death. Getting rid of things just isn’t on the table sometimes, things will sit and rot because of love and loss.
That 3k+ of books could completely transform a public library and continue to touch the minds of generations to come if you set it up properly now (and won’t be a future burden on a loved one).
As someone with deep roots in the sciences, and good access to the latest data and evidence surrounding anthropogenic climate change, I seriously doubt that there will be much civilization left by the time I shuffle off this mortal coil. All indications used to point towards widespread economic, societal, and ecological collapse in the latter half of this century, well past my effective lifespan, but recent (and strong!) evidence has moved that up considerably to not much past 2035. So no, I am not worried in the least about “burdening” anyone with my collection. I seriously doubt that there will be anyone left who will care. The few who remain will be too obsessed with surviving another day to give two shits about books. I just want to live long enough to read most of them in relative comfort.
Child abuse. I thought it was normal to threaten children with violence for noncompliance. I thought it was normal to be afraid to misbehave or be suboptimal in school at the threat of violence.
I don’t think my father would consider spankings, with wooden paddle or leather belt, child abuse. It was a threat that I fell afoul of a few times at school or home.
Depending on your age, that level of “child abuse” might be normal. (Not that it should be.)
I didn’t wanna be too graphic, but a spanking is nothing lol. My father attempted to beat me to death me a couple of times for defying his absolute authority (imagine thinking a pre-teen is in any way a threat to “authority”).
Ah, yeah, my father only threatened to fight me once, and he never did. (I think he felt I was directly questioning his authority when non-family members were present, but the memory is hazy at best now.)
It does sound like your experience is abnormal. (But, I’m not really informed; just working from my experience, and hearsay.)
for men to wish to be a woman
Oh plenty of things:
having respect for others
being honest
helping the needy
fair pay for fair work
honestly considering others’ perspectives
loyalty
Basically every virtue I was ever told was worthy to embody has been used against me as a weapon or a tool
And of the hundreds of people I know IRL less than 10% give any of these internal value or even attempted to put into practice
And here I’ve been a sucker all my life doing the proper social contract thing because I don’t like the way the world is shaping up and getting CONSTANTLY bent over for it
How are you supposed to deal with this without just losing all your values and becoming like them?
Are there any books or anything that someone can read on this?
Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series is what kind of did it for me, he was an amazing human.
Or a cruel dreamer for making me think that this was how the world was supposed to be.
Thanks! Definitely reading this one now though its kinda long. I had heard about it but didn’t see anyone put it this way before.
When I was much younger: that normal people could see much further than me.
One of my oldest memories is going into a McDonald’s for the first time with glasses; I stopped and read the entire menu, because I couldn’t believe normal people could read it as soon as you walked in. I always had to get up to the counter to make it out.
I got a lot better in school after that!
O my god. This is so relatable. I was 14 or so when a girl in my class told me I need contact lenses because I couldn’t read the school board unless I sat in the front (spoiler, I sat in the back).
And I was like nahh. Then I got a checkup and I was already at like -2. Then I wore lenses for years and I absolutely hated them. They stick to my eyes. Then only at like 18 I got glasses (not cool to teenage me) and I never switched back.
Maybe they should give children check ups, at least once in their life lol.
This was a really recent realization for me. I am one of the people who can voluntarily activate the tensor tympani muscles in my ears to create a low level rumbling sound. I recently tried explaining this to someone else and they still think I am making it up.
You are not alone! I have always been able to do that too. It still doesn’t help with the tinnitus I’ve had since I was 4 or 5 though.
What was a revelation to me was the idea that everyone was only sleeping 3 or 4 hours a night. I thought I was perfectly normal in not sleeping for normal time spans. And despite the drugs and cpap machine I’m prescribed, I still can only sleep 5 or 6 hours now and often less. But I often am able to get to REM sleep now.
Is this not normal?! I can also wiggle my ears, I know that’s weird though.
Yeah, my Dad used to do this to entertain kids, so I worked at it until I could too. It wasn’t easy to learn but real easy to do
Wait, not everyone can do that?! What the fuck?!
Wait, that’s not normal?
It’s more that most people don’t figure out how to tense those muscles independantly of the rest of the neck
Fellow rumbler rejoice!
As I kid I thought it activated some kind of telekinetic or telepathic power so i’d keep doing it and gesturing at ping pong balls or candle flames
So sad to learn that it has nothing to do with psychic powers
So THAT’S how you describe it!
I use to control it before, but since I’m on some other medecine, it start to have its own will. It happen to me unvoluntary like every 5 or 10s. That’s SO FUCKING ANNOYING !!!
When I first read this one, I thought it sounded crazy. Then I realized I know what you mean and am able to do it.
Maybe it’s normal and it’s just the description that doesnt click with people? Anyone in the comments who thinks they can’t do it?
I can do this as well, as can one of my siblings and my father so I assume there is a generic component. Used to call it “ear clicking” since it is audible to others if they put their ear to yours in a quiet environment.
I figured out that was the name when googling about it some years ago.
Is it just a click or also the described rumbling. Because I don’t hear a rumbling but I do make the clicks when I notice that my ears need to adjust to the air pressure.
If you hold it tense you get a rumble as described but the first time I tense it will make a little click. If I keep applying tension and release eventually it will stop clicking and just I’ll just hear the rumble and it will take a bit to “reset” to where it clicks again.
Humans are weird.
Edit: I quick kagi search turns up a Reddit thread saying the clicking is caused by “Voluntary Opening of the Eustachian Tubes” which is equalizing the pressure in my ears. That sorta explains why it stops clicking after a bit.
If I use the muscles that I use to get the click very carefully I get the rumble too :)
I never noticed it before and now this will be really distracting unless I forget about ASAP.
Just to clarify, since I don’t know if my experience is what you all are describing: this sounds kind of like what I hear if I start a yawn. Is the rumbling sound just for a second or can you make it indefinitely? And can you also make a short click or series of clicks?
I can get those sounds if I tense up some muscle(s) that you would also use to start a deliberate yawn. The clicks are easy to make, with less tension, and the rumble happens with more tension and it’s only for about a second or so. Also I definitely hear the rumble during a yawn. Does that sound like what you mean or am I describing something completely different?
Rumble and clicks are separate, but the yawn activates all of those muscles so you get them together
It’s easiest to just rumble, but I need to open my jaw a little to click
That sounds like what I can do. Both the rumble and the clicks/ear popping.
Yep, the same sound as when you yawn. I can make it happen without yawning. Honestly, I can only make it for 5-10 seconds before I get “tired”.
Regarding clicks …I’ve no idea what that one is.
When you yawn sometimes you hear a little clicking noise in your ear canals, it’s earwax coming into contact briefly and separating, you can do it voluntarily similar to rumbling but I need to open my jaw a little for that effect
You aren’t alone. I can do it too.
Did you listen to a podcast when you found out? 😏
Of two German dudes? 😅
it was also on No Such Thing As A Fish recently
I don’t remember where I was made aware of it, but it was probably this. I used to listen to NSTAAF regularly. This fact probably just got buried in the back of my head until it had the opportunity to come out now.
name drop but I know Andy IRL, nice guy.
That’s not surprising to me at all. He seems like he would be.
Mine are all pretty mild.
Everyone reading all the time at home. Pretty much every room had bookcases, full to bursting with books. When I was old enough to have friends around they all said how weird it was to have so many books.
My parents were really emotionally distant. I don’t recall either of them telling them they loved me - or each other for that matter. No hugs or kisses. More than one of my girlfriends called me an emotional cripple.
Home-cooked food every night. We never ate out, never had takeaway. My mum was a great cook though so although my friends seemed to think it was weird I’d never had a MacDonalds when I finally did try it I didn’t understand the hype.
Oh, and the poop knife, of course.
Bro is living my life
Poop knife life?
No. I don’t know what that joke is
It never even occurred to me that people might not enjoy reading till I was like 14
Nobody “dresscoded” me at home. As soon as I was old enough to pick my own clothing, I could. What skirts or jeans or dresses I wore was my choice completely. My school also didn’t care much.
Blew my mind when I realized how many other girls had to sneak out with their clothes because the parents had a rule against tight jeans or whatever.
I still think my parents were right with this one. The kids with the strictest rules were always those with the craziest outfits. Can’t blame them, I’d have done the same.
I, as a boy, ran through my cousin’s to change my clothes on my way to the bus.
Don’t do this to your kids if you think that was wrong, lol. I know people who grew up like this, complained to me and then started to behave the exact same way with their kids later on.
Yeah I don’t. My kids love these stories of me dodging my dad’s insecurities, they wear whatever they want. And they mostly wear t-shirts and jeans.
My mom used to pick out clothes for me as a little kid before school, and I’d come downstairs in completely different outfits.
Also: aphantasia
You have no idea how pissed I was to find out all of you had a fucking superpower, would have been nice to learn this before I wasted 3 years at graphic design
Growing up in a house with hoarder parents:
- Having absurd amounts of pretty much anything standing around in the house.
- Parents going through your trash and blaming you for throwing away certain things that were ‘still good to use’ (they weren’t).
We had 3 breadmakers. 2 were in new in box for multiple years
Why hadn’t they chosen like cabbage patch kids or game consoles
NOOOO they had to hoard kitchen counter appliances.
My dad is 80+, has a pristine vitamax blender in box but still uses a crappy one he got at a thrift store because he wants to get as much out of his investment as possible
i have them, they will literally fight you physically, kick and scream if you try to throw anything out. its a problem if they start to get mouse/rat infestation, even then they dont think about it. or getting canes, or old pet food, picking up someones used sports bottle off the street
My family was super meat-centric for all holidays except Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Any meal where it’s physically possible to barbecue, we would. And a family barbecue meant hamburgers, hot dogs, chicken, pork steaks, and beef steaks – one of each per person, plus a couple of extras. Sides were German-style slaw and potato salad. Buns were not included, but my grandma would always put a stack of white bread on the table (she was the only person who ever ate it).
When I started dating my husband and took him to a family holiday, he was shocked by the fact that my whole family was eating hamburgers and hot dogs with flatware instead of on buns. And he was actually sad at the lack of side dishes.
When I went to one of his family barbecues, I was sad that there was just one hamburger per person (already on a soggy bun) and a ton of weird casseroles.
eating hamburgers and hot dogs with flatware instead of on buns.
That sounds so German. I know the bun-less burgers as “frickadellen”, my own parents (both German immigrants who met each other over here) used to make them fairly frequently.
Interesting, in NL frikadellen are more like ground-up-meat long sausages.
and in Russia the word stands for meatballs
TIL
There is no c in Frikadelle.
That does sound a bit one sided. If you ever (want) to learn how to cook, you’d be amazed what you can do with vegetables, other than boiling them. Those can be truly inspirational and unique. Will be tough to sell to your family though haha.
I mean. Coleslaw or other slaw, potato or pasta salad, pickles? Mashed potatoes? Those are all good American BBQ sides.
Struggling not to act on my impulses all the time, doing foolish things before thinking and not being able to go more than a brief period without embarrassing myself. I thought everyone dealt with impulse control issues. Oh hey Adhd, nice to see you.
Meditation helps with this. Well at least it’s better than nothing. Well at least you can feel superior over others because you meditate.
Meditation helps with this.
I know you mean well, but it bothers me whenever people say this. “Just clear your mind” - says the person who thinks everyone’s mind works like theirs. I’m tired of being told that the solution to the thing I can’t do, is to try to do the thing I can’t do.
I don’t disagree but I will say I’ve found an adhd friendly meditation technique that helps (doesn’t cure). I walk or bike and let my mind wander and wander until it has wandered itself out. It takes practice but it helps me.
My mind wanders with ease, that’s the problem. My mind wanders whether it’s an appropriate situation or not, both when I need to focus on something (like during a film or a presentation) and when I need to NOT be focusing on something (like when I’m trying to fall asleep.) I suffer from insomnia because of it.
On numerous occasions, people have suggested meditation to me as a way to practice “clearing” thoughts from the mind. They may admit it “takes practice,” but they assume everyone can do it, which makes it all the more frustrating when your brain seems incapable of shutting up. It’s like the “I know you’re depressed, but have you tried being happy?” of ADHD.
Ah, lol, meant it as a joke. I apologise if it seemed “just get a planner, duh!”
I have ADHD(enough to disrupt life quite a bit), and you are right, it is very difficult to just concentrate. I hate concentrating, it’s frustrating and I lose every time.
But for me, none of the medicines available to me work or help any of the problems with ADHD and I don’t have money for it. So I’ve been deciding to raw dog life and instead meditation in part has helped me with handling some things.
I’ve been meditating for past 6 months straight now (not very successfully). But I continue to do it because of the discipline’s gentle nature. There are no hard and fast rules. I can be meditating and it won’t be what most people call meditating but it helps me calm down and I like that. Brief moments/seconds of calmness are worth it for me.
And over time, while reading up more about meditating, I’ve learnt that it’s also very very normal for the mind to wander, that’s like the default mode for it. More so for people with ADHD. I think you aren’t supposed to be perfectly focused (at least for most people). All you are supposed to do is to acknowledge what you feel and try and move on and feel what you are feeling in the moment without any judgement. It’s very difficult and not being able to do it is fine. Over time, you get a little better at it while you incur other benefits of Meditation.
It’s more than just trying to attain peace, it’s about learning to be gentle with yourself, giving yourself time for yourself, living in the moment and enjoying what little time you have.
Meditation can mean to be different things for different people.
I was lucky or call it unlucky to have had found the time to add meditation into my daily routine(life reasons). And even now it’s difficult to do every day, with what the ADHD not rewarding me to do it. For this, the work around is to do it as much as you can but consistently and being okay with missing out on days. (It’s not do or die, it’s the cumulative effort). Do it for 5 minutes or three minutes, not more. Forget about doing it for hours or something, consistency matters more than the time you put in.
There’s also different methods to choose from, some are easier for folks like us. I haven’t gotten into any of those, but I see people discussing it often to know. I would highly recommend the free app - medito. It has a lot of different options, courses to follow and is very beginner friendly. There’s no shady backdoor, you won’t be pushed into buying anything. Though It’s run by an NGO and they will ask for donations time to time.
If you have a quiet and calm place to do it, I’d highly recommend that. It really helps when the environment isn’t fighting you. I forget example recently did it twice in the forest and It was beautiful.
Also this is just my experience, try and see what works for you.
- “Maladaptive Daydreaming”
- I have an issue with being remembered in person (at least that’s what my therapist said). I will go to different chains of the same store on rotation, or stop going to a store all together if they remember me “too much.” I’ll wait until shift changes or that it’s been long enough that they’ve forgotten about me. I’ve stopped going to certain places all together if there’s no alternatives. Outside of lemmy, I have no social media. I don’t want anyone to ever be able to look me up. Apparently people don’t do that.
- Using different cutlery based off of meal size/how long you want to savor something (ex: You like ice cream, so you may eat it with a smaller spoon so it lasts longer.).
- Wondering what people were thinking/picturing when they bought their clothes (not in a “wow, that’s ugly, what were they thinking” but what they saw themselves as. Did they see this suit and think of themselves as a ceo? Did she buy thay dress and imagine the places she’ll wear it? That sort of thing).
- Having multiple paths to one place. I could get to my classes or office multiple ways. I would rotate, take these stairs one day, this elevator the next, etc.
- I believed everyone had some kind of food that would give them the boo-boos. I’m actually just lactose intolerant.
Using different cutlery based off of meal size/how long you want to savor something (ex: You like ice cream, so you may eat it with a smaller spoon so it lasts longer.).
I don’t do this all the time, but definitely with desserts and sweets. Both from the perspective of being able to savor it longer, and also for portion control.
There are basic definitions for different sized flatware and yes the dessert spoon is the smaller one
I think point three is pretty “normal”. A lot of People eat cake, pudding and ice cream with smaller cutlery.
I’m screen shotting this and the other reply. My friend asked for a spoon and I was like, “regular or little?” and she acted like I was insane. How the tables have turned.
I have that issue #2 at least when it comes to going to stores and restaurants. As soon as the staff recognizes me I never want to go again for some reason.
I have massive social anxiety that’s probably the main part of it.
Same! I don’t know why, but it’s like, “they were nice… I can never come here again.”
It’s not that bad for me, but fear of being perceived, fear of being know… It’s all a giant mess
For me at least I think has is something like:
If I’m odd and they don’t know me I’m just an odd customer. But if I’m odd and a regular than I’m an odd person they are thinking about a lot and that makes me nervous like I might mess up.
Honestly I prefer to be perceived as a little weird, because then you can be… A little weird without worrying about it.
There isn’t really a what to what I’m afraid of. I’m not sure if it’s better or worse this way
Exactly this with me too. If they know me I have to hold myself to different standards and more small talk and stuff like that.
I have been trying to force myself to go to the same places but I usually fail. The only thing that works for me is going with someone else.
I do something similar to the clothing thing but with buildings. Like if I see an old run down store I think about if that was someone’s dream to run and it just didn’t work, or they retired and it fell apart. I develop weird empathy for buildings doing this 😅
I used to feel bad every time I saw a newly-opened small business that had closed.
It’s still sad sometimes. However, ever since I worked in a few small businesses, I got to see just how batshit some small business owners are.
Now when I look at a “new” small business that just closed, I can’t help but suspect that a power-tripping owner probably fucked it all up through their own arrogance.
It’s unusual to want change up your routes?
I’m with you on everyone of these, except the last one (but I know a ton who are lactose intolerant). Now you got me thinking, are these things not normal or are we the actual normal ones.
That’s actually kind of comforting. Even if we aren’t normal, we’re not normal as a unit. 🫱🏽🫲🏻
I’m with you on your second point. I’ll only go back if its somewhere I want to be remembered, i.e. my favorite restaurant.
Having a constant noise in your head/ears. It was so normal to me I didnt question it for many years. I randomly asked my friends about it one day and found out most people actually dont have an old crt tv like noise in their ears (and that its the disorder tinnitus).
In my case its not very severe thankfully, I dont notice it unless Im in a silent room or Im actively thinking about it.
Physical abuse as a child.
